Comparing your successes to those around you? Here are 5 ways to change your comparison into inspiration.
This has probably been one of my biggest challenges and something I have to work on still, all the time. The society we live in and in particular social media has blown the lid on what everyone has (or doesn’t have) and whereas 2 decades ago, we only knew what our friends were up to, thanks to Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Tiktok, we now know what the world is up to.
It is the perfect breeding ground for self and social comparison and looking at your successes and measuring them against what someone else has achieved.
Kindness
If you do this, I want you to first bring in some kindness. We are hardwired to live in communities and belong. Belonging to a group and feeling like we are aligned with them, is literally part of our biology so let's not be too harsh to ourselves here.
The evolution of society
Society is ever-evolving but it takes a while for some things to catch-up… meaning; we have a modern society trying to imitate historic ways of living and surprise surprise… it doesn’t fit. For example, look at the dating world - look how much it has changed in 30 years… or even 10 years! We have more choice in how we live, what we do and who we date than ever before but we are still living off the ‘idealised’ version of what society deems as ‘successful’, ie; owning a property, marrying before 30 and having children before 35. If you don’t have these things within the timeline that society says you should, does that make you unsuccessful?
Firstly, HELL NO it doesn’t.
But here are some ways you can start owning your story and changing comparison into inspiration:
Reframing Success:
Success is defined by you, not your peers, not your parents and not society. So let’s work to shift the dial and bring it back to you. Wherever you are, even if there are things you still want to have happen, the person you are today has gone through a fair amount to get here. Let’s start celebrating you.
What challenges have you gone through and overcome?
What moments/times in your life are you really proud of?
Shift to curiosity:
Start taking note of the things you feel you compare yourself to others the most. Perhaps it is relationships? Or your friend's successful career? Can you start to get curious about what it is you particularly admire? Let’s say it is their career; what is it about their career? Maybe they are doing something they really enjoy. How can you start to bring this into your life? Not saying you need to change your whole career, but can you bring some things in or make some shifts that will help you feel more connected and aligned with what you are doing.
Grow your community:
Finding like minded people and people on a similar journey to you can help you feel more connected and not so like you are the odd one out. If all your friends are in relationships and you aren’t at the moment, can you engage with other communities that will open up your network and enable you to meet more people who may be at a similar stage to you?
Joining a social gym or wellness community (GLO, Move & Meet)
A run club
Going to retreats/workshops that facilitate meeting people
Alongside this, seek out people who achieved things at a ‘later stage’. E.g. a list of people in the public eye who met their partner in their 40’s.
Find peace with the timeline:
Trust me I know this is HARD, especially if we are talking about wanting children, as of course, as women, we have biological constraints here that we can’t get away from. But, despite what society says, there is no age you need to own a house, get married or reach the peak of your career. That ‘timeline’ is completely made up. Lots of people follow that classic timeline, but lots of people don’t. Bring that power back to you, and start owning where you are at, trusting your own path. Your challenges, your story is all individual to you and life is unfolding for you as it is meant to.
Inspiration from others:
Rather than look at others and think; ‘why don’t I have what they have?’, use it as inspiration for what is possible for you. A hugely powerful shift is ‘that is so amazing that is happening for them, I can’t wait for that to happen to me too’. That friend who met someone and got engaged within 6 months, is just proof that that could happen to you too.
From all the above, can you give yourself 2-3 action points this month to embed into your life and start moving past comparison.
E.g.
I am going to take note of what area I compare the most in and get curious about what it is exactly that I want
I am going to practice saying when I see an engagement post on Instagram; ‘that is so exciting, I can’t wait for that to happen for me’
I am going to list out all of my achievements and refer to this list when I have a moment of doubt over my successes in life
If you want to dive into this deeper, book a free 30-minute discovery session with me by clicking the link below and we can discuss how we can work together.